I was skeptical at first…
I’ve been a part of healing services in the past, but the idea of standing up at the front of church and having people lay their hands on me was a little unnerving. Sure, I’d done the same to others, but being the center of attention was going to be a struggle for me. I just knew it.
Those of you who’ve known me for several years are probably laughing right now. How could I not want to be the center of attention, right? I know. I used to be a big fan of the spotlight, but ever since I had the kids and never lost that baby weight, I’ve been pretty darn self-conscious. The “ham” of a little girl settled nicely behind the camera and the leading lady settled into being her kids’ sidekick. And I love every moment of it…
Now this. Now I’m supposed to come out from behind my kids, behind my camera and just be me. I have to stand up in front of everyone – not only heavier than I’d like to be, but without hair, too. I was scared to say the least…
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind being vulnerable. I don’t mind sharing my weaknesses with others. But to stand front and center like that felt different.
Last Sunday, I arrived at the prayer service and was immediately touched by how many people were there. I felt enveloped by the love of my community and my family in a totally new way… I slipped into one of the front pews with Toby, the kids, my dad, and my siblings, silently dreading what was coming. But as I listened to the readings that I’d picked out weeks before and sang the songs that I’d chosen, something inside me softened. Suddenly it wasn’t about my insecurities. It became about healing… Not just the kind that will hopefully give me clean scans in 6 weeks, 6 months, and 6 years. The kind of healing that touches my heart. As I sat there, I wasn’t a shy girl with no hair. I was just a child of God listening to Him comfort me.
And I cried.
And I let go.
As I did, the words and the music blended together to create the sweetest, most comforting melody… And I was a kid again listening to my mama sing.
Peace surrounded me…
So when it finally came time for me to stand up in front of everyone, I took a deep breath, felt that peace, and let it fill me. I’m so glad I did because never in my life could I have prepared myself for what came next.
People started to come up to lay their hands on me and say their prayers of healing and I was moved. I began to place my hands on theirs – welcoming in the healing power of their prayers – and I could feel the Holy Spirit moving around us… Then healing hands turned into healing hugs. People embraced me and my heart flashed back to all those nights that my parents rocked me to sleep… Such amazing comfort. In those precious moments I was able to live out the footprints poem that I’ve heard so many times throughout the years. In those precious moments, my Daddy embraced me… and He carried me.
It was a different kind of love that I felt that day. The kind that bridges gaps and lasts a lifetime. I will forever be touched by the words that people spoke and their infinite kindness.
I am blessed. Blessed in the family and community that I have. Blessed in the healing that my body is experiencing. And blessed in the healing of my heart.
I am convinced that it is the beautiful moments like these that give us glimpses of what heaven must be like…
Love,
Annie
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